Dreams

I have dreams. All kinds of dreams.

Sometimes my dreams are ethereal.  Sometimes they are too real.

Often my dreams are easily forgotten in the light of day.

And then there are dreams from which I don't want to awake.

I also have God-sized dreams, as Holley Gerth calls them.

This was to be my summer of dreams accomplished.  Someone else had other ideas, and those dreams didn't happen.  Someone else is my God.  He has taken me to a place called Patience.  The road hasn't been paved with gold or diamonds.  The surface I've traveled has been filled with potholes and bumps.  I haven't been a happy camper all along this road, battling surgery, pain, other unexpected health issues.

Then last night I was on Facebook for the first time in several days.  I'd been thinking of a young friend in her 30s whom I hadn't heard from in a while.  A couple of years ago she and her husband and now 5-year old daughter moved to The Netherlands to be closer to her husband's parents.  It was for only three years and after the initial shock, my friend accepted it was what God wanted them to do and off they went.  We shed tears of sorrow and joy, and we laughed about memories and times we'd laughed before, and we wished them well.  After all they'd be back in a few years.  We could email, see each other on Facebook, she'd come home for visits.

Finally last night, a post from my friend on Facebook!  No, wait -- it's from her husband.  He's telling us that my friend died suddenly on Sunday.  The tears flowed down my face.  She was just in her 30s, she had a full life ahead, she had this beautiful marriage, and she had this amazingly beautiful little girl to raise.  No details were given.  Just the facts -- she is gone.  I've asked God why her dreams won't come to fruition, and He has told me that He "had other plans."

I think I won't complain any more about the summer I feel I've lost.  I've lost a treasure far more precious than a few weeks or months.  A young, faith-filled spirit who always made me smile is gone.  Her memory will live on forever in my heart and when I think of her, I will think of Patience, a virtue I am learning slowly but can so clearly see now that God has chosen my friend as the next angel in the Heavens.  A perfect angel.

Dreams are to be dreamed. 

If remembered, dreams are beautiful or they can be frightening.

Dreams can't be relied on to come true.

Because often God has other plans.

His Amazing Grace

Recently my MOPS group (http://www.mops.org/) leader asked me to speak on grace, which just happens to be the name of my MOPS table this year.  I received such a good response to my short talk I've decided to share it with you here:

HIS AMAZING GRACE

I enjoy each of the table names our MOPS group has been using the last couple of years, but especially the name "grace."  That isn't just because it's the name of the table I mentor, but because I have a long history with the word "grace."

As a young pupil of piano and music, I learned early on about grace notes.  As I grew older, I began to learn grace could be a favor, consideration, reprieve, or even a pleasing effect in a dance movement or an artistic work.  Grace brings to mind fluid movement and gentleness.

My favorite definition of grace, however, is a theological one -- the gift of God's unmerited favor.  2 Cor. 12:9, as found in The Message, tells us:  "My grace is enough; it's all you need.  My strength comes into its own in your weakness."  His grace is all I need, or you need, no matter the circumstances or situation.  David Reagan, pastor at Antioch Baptist Church in Knoxville, TN, says he likes to call this "God's enoughness."  I like the sound of that too.

In my life, I have experienced God's enoughness.  As children, my two brothers and I experienced abuse, verbal and emotional, at the hands of our mother.  Upon reflection, I truly don't believe she knew exactly what she was doing and how wrong it was.  It took adulthood and specific circumstances for me to realize why she did what she did to each one of us.  Nothing really erases the memories of those painful and hurtful experiences, but I have been given in abundance a way to put my arms around it.

During the year I turned 54, my mom's health began to fail to the extent she eventually needed to live with one of my brothers, both of whom live in TN near where mom was residing.  The younger brother was in the middle of a divorce, so the older brother stepped in and moved mom into his home.  I knew from the beginning this would be volatile but I didn't count on what came next.

My husband and I returned from a Labor Day weekend trip to pick up a voicemail from my brother stating, "You'd probably like to know what I did with your mother."  The answer to my question when I called was that he signed her into a nursing home.  This had been done without power of attorney on his part (I had that) and by signing over her Social Security payments.  To keep my story short, I can tell you that I had to make a decision to move this woman whom I loved because she was my mother and whom I did not like as a person.  I had to extract her from an abusive situation and bring her home with me to Oregon.  At first, I couldn't understand why God would ask this of me, so I prayed for answers.

The answers came through discussions with my doctor, a Christian woman, who asked me about my mom's childhood.  It was easy to sum up -- highly dysfunctional.  Mom had been taken out of school at age 11 to care for two younger siblings.  Fear became the tool she most often used to control them.  What else is a child to do?  And then when she grew up and became a mother, her toolbox contained fear, sarcasm, temper, anger, rage.  All the things she'd grown up using. My heart suddenly expanded with a love I'd never experienced before.

This enormous expansion in my heart and the fact that in my care my mom was a different person, accepting less than perfect circumstances and accepting of my abilities to care for her, was purely a gift of grace from God.  Yes, a grace moment like a grace note in music can bridge a vast divide, and it did so for us.  Mom died 10 months after we moved her, and for the first time in my life I actually began to miss her.  I wanted more time with the woman who came to Oregon and the woman I had cared for.  How different life would have been, but I was blessed to know her as kind and loving for a short period of time.

"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."

2 Cor. 12:9 (The Message)

Catching Up!

Time is so elusive . . . especially between the holidays and seasons of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.   How does it slip away?  Family feasts and gatherings, Christmas pageants and children rehearsing, more getting together to share the specialness of Christmas, and there it is, the New Year. 

As you can see by the date on this blog and the last one, several days have slipped by in the hustle and bustle of the seasons.  Not to mention the sudden invasion of some kind of bug into my head and throat sending me to bed for a few days.  But I came across some verses today that really resounded with me regarding healing.  I want to share them with you.

² Praise the LORD, my soul,
   and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
   and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
   and crowns you with love and compassion.

Psalm 103:2-4 NIV

I spent a great deal of time fretting during my short illness over the things I could not accomplish nor get done.  Not once did I ponder the "benefits" of the Lord.  Oh, I know how beneficial my relationship is with Him, but how often do I actually take the time to consider all the benefits He provides each one of us.  Rarely, do we take the time to "taste and see that the Lord is good."  These verses from Psalm 103 opened my eyes and heart to the glorious nature of our relationship with our Lord -- the forgiveness of our sins, the healing of our bodies and minds, and above all, the redemption that only He can render with unconditional love and compassion. 

Won't you consider this benefit package from on high?  Perhaps you've been looking for a relationship with benefits . . . look no further!

Between Christmas and New Year's

The week between Christmas and New Year's is not only a time for looking forward but for looking back.  Since Christmas Day, I've had some time to sit down and knit and try to progress on a couple of projects.  I began reflecting on my early days of knitting, a time when someone special took the time to teach me.  It was my sister-in-law, Ann.  Ann was married to my older brother, and they had between them seven children.  Ann was busy . . . every day she was busy.  Somehow she found the time to spend with an 18-year old girl to teach her how to knit.

I remember watching Ann knit and carry on conversations, watch TV, do a

lot of mental multi-tasking, and she never dropped a stitch that I recall.  I was absolutely amazed at her ability to do this.  I wanted to be like Ann in so many ways, but most of all to be filled with the same kind of spirit that filled her -- God's spirit, the Holy Spirit, Jesus love. 

As I've been knitting lately, I've reflected on Ann's life and the end of her life quite a few years ago.  Ann was diagnosed at age 56 with Lou Gehrig's disease, or ALS, and eventually the disease took her ability to do so much with her hands . . . not only knitting, but play the piano, the organ, cook, clean, her accounting work.  And the disease took the use of every part of her except her mind.  It was a horrid disease, and early on Ann would say she could tell which muscle was dying.

The one thing the disease couldn't and didn't take from Ann was that spirit of living in God's spirit, sharing Jesus' amazing love, and showing the Holy Spirit shining through her with an incredibly dazzling smile.  I knit now and know that I was left not only with a skill that I love to use to share God's love by knitting charity caps for school-aged children in our area, but with the memory of Ann, all of her, shared with me because she was filled with that special gift of spirit.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that

you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Fourth Sunday in Advent

"She will bring a son to birth, and when she does, you, Joseph,

will name him Jesus—'God saves'—because he will save his people

from their sins." This would bring the prophet's embryonic sermon to full term:

   'Watch for this—a virgin will get pregnant and bear a son;
   They will name him Immanuel (Hebrew for "God is with us").'"

(Matthew 1:21-23) 

As I patiently wait for Christmas to arrive, I can hardly imagine the daunting emotions surrounding Mary and Joseph as they wait to see what unfolds for them as a result of God's master plan.  It is hard to even think of being in even similar circumstances.

When I was a child, the anticipation of Christmas filled me with excitement, I became a fidgety kid, and it seemed the days would never pass.  Christmas Eve was the hardest because I couldn't go to sleep for wondering about what Santa would bring, what the presents held under the tree, and what the next day would be like.  All unknowns to a child waiting patiently, or impatiently, for everything to be revealed to her.

Now that child has grown up and she is a great-grandmother.  Other children wait and become overly excited.  My waiting now has a different flavor, if you will -- it is filled with sweetness, joy and the knowledge of that very special gift God sent to us, Immanuel (God with us), Jesus (God saves).  Patient expectation allows me to savor every word, thought and musical sound that leads up to the night that the star shone down on a tiny stable in Bethlemen.  I can almost taste it . . . it is getting closer . . . patiently I'm waiting.



Third Sunday in Advent

In our worship service today, the third candle was lit.  The pink candle has always been somewhat of a mystery to me standing erect and tall but not purple like the other three.  The pink candle assumes its place with grace and dignity, and thanks to my pastor this year I now know the reason for the different color.  Her explanation was that in the midst of our expectation and patient waiting a little joy should be infused.  Oh, yes, the joy candle!  And it's pink color designates a change from the waiting and expectation of the Christ Child's birth.

Following our worship time, the sanctuary of our church was definitely filled with so much joy that the joy candle may have felt for the first time in a long time inclusion in a big way during Advent.  You see today was the day that our children, youth and some adults presented for our entertainment and joy a Christmas musical entitled "The Mystery of Simon Shepherd."  As the performers moved through their paces, it became apparent that we were indeed hearing the Christmas story with a little different interpretation.  Today's focus was on the innkeeper. 

It seems he was the last to see Simon Shepherd the night that the innkeeper gave shelter to Mary and Joseph in his stable.  Simon too was looking for a place for the night and he was given shelter in the same stable.

Next morning when Simon left he took a wrong turn in trying to get back home and to his sheep.  He finally found his way and arrived just in time to vouch for the innkeeper and keep him from going to jail!

Ever lost your way?  Ever stopped listening for God's direction?  Ever just tune out God's Word?  Ever think attendance on Sunday mornings isn't all that important?  I think we can safely say like Simon these are all examples of losing our way.  Not all inclusive but fair examples.  However, God waits patiently, as we are asked to wait during Advent, for us to find our way again.  And when we do, He rejoices and there is joy throughout the land just as there was on the night the Christ Child was born.

I truly hope that during this Advent season much joy and light will be a part of your expectation and patient waiting. 

There will be a highway called the Holy Road.  No one rude or rebellious
   is permitted on this road.  It's for God's people exclusively—impossible to get lost on
this road.    Not even fools can get lost on it.  No lions on this road, no dangerous

wild animals—nothing and no one dangerous or threatening.

Only the redeemed will walk on it.  The people God has ransomed will come back

on this road.  They'll sing as they make their way home to Zion,

unfading halos of joy encircling their heads, welcomed home with

gifts of joy and gladness as all sorrows and sighs scurry into the night.

Isaiah 35:8-10 (The Message)



The Second Sunday in Advent

Yesterday was the second Sunday in Advent. I, along with another, somewhat younger woman, were teaching the 4th/5th graders. The Scripture for our story was taken from Luke 1:28 centering around the angels appearing to Mary and Joseph with the unbelievable news that Mary would be bringing a baby boy into the world who would be called Jesus. Most amazing in this story is first Mary's acceptance of the angel's message, and Joseph's willingness to go forward with marrying Mary despite her pregnancy and all based on the angel's assurances everything would be OK.

This young woman teaching the story is an unbelievable storyteller, and she brought to the 4th/5th graders' attention that Mary was likely 13 years old and Joseph perhaps 4-5 years older. Their eyes became wide and their mouths formed "O's" with surprise. Then our storyteller asked some questions of the students. The one she asked that I thought would keep them quiet for maybe a minute or longer was, "What would your answer have been if you were Mary or Joseph?" A 10-year old girl responded with, "I guess I would have said OK because if I didn't I would be letting a lot of people down and they would be disappointed because they were patiently waiting for the Messiah."

Needless to say, we were both blown away by the maturity and thoughtfulness of this answer that came to us right out of the blue. Granted this young girl is an amazing child in her own right, intelligent, thoughtful and gifted with wonderful parents. However, the words that came forth were a surprise to both of us.

As I have pondered these words in relation to Advent, yes, we are all patiently waiting for the Messiah. And yes, I would have really been disappointed if either Mary or Joseph had refused the angel's directions. Think of life on earth without Jesus by your side, walking along with you each and every day. And yet . . . . .

There are areas in my life where patience is a difficult element to hold onto. Why is that? Is it because I love sight of Jesus walking with me, protecting me, watching over me? I've decided that in addition to working on my lack of patience with certain things, I'll also be working on keeping Jesus in focus as He and I walk through this life He's given me, this life that He died for, and this life that is so precious to Him that He takes the time to hear my fears, my concerns, and my failures.

Nothing will be impossible with God. (Luke 1:37)

The Sycamore Tree

I can see it as if it were yesterday -- the big old sycamore tree in our front yard.  I was only 5 or 6 years old and this tree seemed enormous.  It was a favorite place of mine in the center of the front yard.  I loved to lie on the ground on summer days and look up through its branches at the glimpses of blue sky and white, fluffy clouds.  And that's where I dreamed imagining the clouds were moving along with me to places of fantasy, strange places and transporting me to another time and place. 

That's what dreams are about at any age, aren't they?  Another place, another time, another country, another whatever.  Dreams can take us away from the every day drudgery that becomes so common place that it bores us to tears.  And then dreams can fall apart and disappoint us.  Sometimes they become so real to us that their inability to come to fruition is sensed as failure.